I sat still and practiced allowing things to be as they are. I watched my reaction – a tightening, an urge to be rid of it. It fell somewhere between tingly and itchy. I could feel the sensations on my face as it walked around my left cheek. And… not surprisingly, the fly came back. I was delighted – I hadn’t “failed” after all, that was only “pre-meditation” and now I had a chance to really practice, as if there’s truly any distinction between what happens when we sit still and when we go about the business of our lives! I had to chuckle at the silliness of my own mind.
The distracting fly and everything that came up for me around it was the work – and I was disappointed to have missed the opportunity! Then, the bell rang, which signaled the beginning of the meditation. And suddenly, I had the realization that this detour, this unexpected complication, was the real work. Well, being that compassion is a core value of mine, having this thought activated a sense of shame in me, for wishing discomfort on someone else in order to spare myself. This time I had the added thought that the fly should go bother someone else in the room. I didn’t want the fly to interfere with my “real work.” But of course, it came back (as flies do) and not surprisingly, I swatted it away again (as people do). Without even being aware of what I was doing, I reflexively waved it away. Before long, I could feel a fly had landed on my cheek. I entered the hall, bowed, made my way to a cushion and took my seat. I actually had a very similar fly experience. And when we allow ourselves to meet everything that arises in life with some equanimity, even just a little bit, then we have more space and composure to take meaningful action in uncomfortable situations… instead of just living in reactivity and fear (which often only serve to make things worse). When we practice being with sensations and experiences that create resistance in us, we grow our ability to be with discomfort. How we try to avoid physical sensations like hunger, knee pain and itchiness. How we try to avoid uncomfortable emotions like sadness and anxiety, loneliness and shame. As Rick Hansen often reminds us, “We’re wired for survival, not for happiness.” When we slow down, and pay attention, it’s easy to see how prevalent this way of being is in our own lives… But most of the time, in our lives, survival isn’t actually in question, so the resistance-hardwiring that we’ve developed through millennia isn’t helpful. In fact, it’s part of our hardwiring, and it’s helped us to survive as a species. The desire to rid ourselves of whatever is bothering us is a completely normal response to human life. If, however, we can allow things to be as they are – because, let’s face it, they already are that way – we can navigate through difficult situations without increasing our distress about them.
It’s a nice story, not because it ends in flower petals, but because it illustrates how our “not liking” can bring on resistance which often only serves to make things more painful for us. Suddenly, it’s as if the flies have become flower petals raining down upon the samurai.
In allowing things to be just as they are, the experience of those very things change. He nods his head in acceptance as if to say, in the words of Tara Brach, “yes, this too, even this.” And that’s when the magic happens. Finally, discouraged and defeated, the samurai drops the fight entirely. The more he swings the sword and fights, the more flies arise and the bigger the irritation grows. Eventually, he draws out his sword and is in full-on-warrior battle with the fly. This fly is not what he had in mind! Irritated, the samurai begins swatting at the fly, but the buzzing just continues. With solemn dignity, this samurai takes his seat and closes his eyes… and before long, he begins to hear the buzzing of a fly. There’s this great video called “The Fly,” maybe you’ve seen it? It’s an anime-style video of a samurai sitting in meditation (you can easily find it on if you’re curious).
0 kommentar(er)
